I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
