Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
