One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
