how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize