how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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