I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
