My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
