I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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