dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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