I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
