I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
