i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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