At least make sure they are 18
Why
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
