i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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