So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
