It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
