Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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