Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You smell like stripper and shame
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize