Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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