my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
