Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
