In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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