I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
