Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
