worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
