Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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