He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize