Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
