I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
