There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
