How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
