I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I stole a fireplace last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
ok first of all what the fuck
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
