He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
