Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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