she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
