this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize