i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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