i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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