She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
