We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
