I think im going to throw up on grandma
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
