I am in a vortex of obligation.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize