This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
