There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
