from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
