he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
