I want to make a zoo with you.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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