Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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