in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
