You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he puts the penis in happiness.
did i walk over a car last night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
