is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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