tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize