Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she woke up with a sticky ear
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
