he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
