yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
