Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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