Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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