At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize