someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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