I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
