Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
