i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
