mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
