fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
