the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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