Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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