i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
