Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
